Helping your young person find their inner voice.
It may sound crazy but the last thing that you want to hear resonating in your ears when you're having sex is your mother's voice or your father's voice or the voice of the caretaker that taught you about sex.
If you approach your young person’s education on sex as:
- Well, you can't do it until you're married. Abstinence is the only way.
- Well, I got through it just fine they'll figure it out too.
- They are way too young to be thinking about this… (FYI: This really means you aren’t ready to think about it)
Then you are leaving a lot up to chance for your young person.
When your young person is finally ready for sex you don't want the only voice that they can hear be yours.
But you may be thinking… ‘Ah, Yes I Do!’
If your’s is the only voice in their conscious, and they're in a rebellious stage, instead of making the choice that aligns with the values that they've been raised with and the values that they believe in their going to make a choice that they might regret.
Rebellion Plays a Big Part in Choice Making
As the old saying goes some of our young people will “Cut off their nose to spite their face.”
Unfortunately, we're not talking about something as simple as plastic surgery we are talking about something as serious as sex.
Let's put it in perspective: If all your child ever gets is ‘direction’ from you and no conversation they may have a hard time knowing who’s values they are trying to live.
Young people will be put in a situation where they have to test their values.
Are they going to feel like they have the confidence to make the choice that they'll feel good about 15 minutes later or 15 years later?
Now just like you don't want to hear the voice of your mother or father or gym teacher who taught you about sex in your ears while in the throes of passion: neither does your young person.
You don't want a voice nagging and ringing in their ears during a rebellious stage. You also don’t want whatever they are doing to be filtered through a veil of uncertainty.
We want our young person trusting their inner voice if something tells them that this isn't right for their body or this isn't right for the moment.
Your young person needs to be prepared to know and trust their inner voice so that they can either stop slow down change directions. This will help them take the time and have the confidence to be able to say “I'm a consenting adult” or “I'm not.”
When caregivers help teach their young people how to hear and trust their own inner voice they're going to be able to make better sexual choices. This process doesn't start by having a single conversation at 16 or in their first year of high school hoping that nothing has happened yet.
This process starts when they start school at 3. You can be teaching them about how to do things for themselves; at 5 maybe a little bit more; by 7 you want your child to be taking responsibility for their own clothing, washing, and education. As they get older you want to spend time with them making sure they have control over what is on their plate. (Not doing it for them.)
You want your young person to feel confident in their decision making on issues like getting ready for bed, doing laundry, helping make meals, keeping their room or space picked up, and choosing age-appropriate clothing, These are all daily skills that are shaped around your family’s values.
Young people should grow to understands that their caretaker will not “nag” to get these things done, but instead, head in and help. Teach your young person to communicate about why it is not getting done. This will lead to the young person learning to explain their impulses and reasoning.
We want to teach young people to hear their inner voice, help them define their own set of values and give them the power to make good choices.